“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.”
Are you running from your Own dreams?
I don’t know if you have ever felt super excited about an idea but as soon as it came time to actually execute the idea your efforts seem to fade? As if the fear of doing it or the million critical thoughts in your mind seem to chase the idea away? I get it. That is me too. It has been me since this dream was in my heart many years ago as a bright eyed child. It feels as if I can just barely touch the thing I want so much but it is always just many light years away. Do you resonate with this feeling? I think many of us might. Especially those who are in the art fields and fields of creativity. We were not as encouraged as we should have been growing up because our dreams were huge and to many adults at the time viewed our dreams as “unrealistic” simply because we could not make “money” from them. That is partially why many of us feel we cannot grasp the thing in which we want too badly. We were conditioned into believing our dreams were not worthy of being obtained. And that my friend is not true at all. Not for you and certainly not for me.
I created this website originally to just share books that I am reading and offer book recommendations for people who need them. The blog would then sit growing cobwebs and the computer would stare at me longingly from across the room wondering why I abandoned yet another seemingly good idea. The only reason for the lack of writing often on m blog about book recs and reviews was because I wanted to be the one writing the books for reviews. I wanted to be more than the reviewer. That idea that has been taunting me since second grade has been growing louder and louder. The more I would begin to heal from my traumas and grow as a person the more that idea kept shouting, “I AM HERE! DO NOT FORGET ME!”
Yesterday the sun began to rise with it’s ever glowing bright light, causing my sleepy eyes to adjust and wake up for the day ahead of me. Another day with this annoying idea shouting at me in the back of my mind and another day ignoring it completely. Until I realized this morning the day after that feeling I was feeling was “overwhelm” or my own special potion of “Self-sabotage”. Do you often find that you have this idea you want to do so badly but you talk yourself out of actually pursuing it? As if you and another version of you are sitting in the same room and one is convincing you to give up something you really want to do because they can give you a million reasons why you SHOULDN’T do this at all? What if I told you that you are in a room of two people every day you have that big idea shouting at you but you ignore it?
We are the same so do not feel embarrassed. We actually do have someone in the room with us telling us all the things to make us never start. That person wants us to believe we have no purpose pursuing something so big and something that seems obtainable. In the seat across from you are the people who never poured their support into your dreams, the people who didn’t believe the idea was worthy because you may not be “successful” or make “money”. The person in the other chair has been telling us what to do our entire lives and we allowed them to come in and take a seat once we became adults. I have fallen for this same issue time and time again because I have the same person staring at me as well. That person tells me that I am unable to do this idea, I am unqualified, inexperienced, and too scatterbrained to bother because I never finish anything.
And that person is wrong for me, and that person is also wrong for you. I am done listening to the lies and the insecurities of those of my past and I am ready to look forward to my future.
I am making a promise to myself that I will write my story. I will write many stories if I see fit as well. Not because I want to be famous or rich or successful. Although those would be wonderful, those are not the reasons I want to write a story at all. I want to write a story because I want to change lives with my words. I want to embark on adventures with readers and give them hope and wonder. I know that I am capable because the voice shouting is still loud enough for me to hear her. That voice is my inner child and my inner teen working together to fight for what I so desperately seek. Just barely out of reach but on the cusp of the horizon.
If you are someone who has carried an idea with you and it has been shouting at you but you keep denying your ability to pursue it, I ask you to think to yourself why.
And if there are other people in the room with you telling you that your dream is pointless, I will suggest showing them the exit. Your dreams are worth pursuing if they are loud enough for you to hear them after all this time. Do not let others fear of chasing something that is scary for them stop you.
We were made this way for a reason, different, creative, and full of beautiful ideas. I am going to allow myself to pursue this dream and share the process here on this page. It is time I stop running from the idea and start actively doing the work to bring it to life.
Our dreams are not measured in the amount of success and money we make from them but whether or not they are important enough to us as individuals to fight for them. I believe your dreams and mine are worth going to battle for even if the battle starts in our minds.
I hope you find peace today reading this!
Love,
A
When I was young I began reading my first chapter book in second grade. I remember feeling super excited and changed forever. There was this wave of purpose and determination that shaped me from that moment on. My small hand shot up from the desk that was holding my body and it felt like I should be jumping out of my seat. I looked around to see if anyone else felt this way after reading but the class was quiet and no one seemed to be as thrilled as I was feeling. My teacher raised an eye brow and with a some what startled look at my waving hand. I was a very shy and quiet child so for my hand to be waving exuberantly must have caused her to be alarmed. “Yes Amanda, are you okay? Do you need to use the restroom?” She asked. I was taken aback and realized I must have been to excited and I felt my body try to calm itself down. But this explosion going on in my heart was happening and I just wanted to know desperately what was happening to me. “Yes mam, I mean no mam. I just wanted to ask something.” I stampeded. My teacher was a very kind teacher but very intimidating. She walked over to me, she looked as tall as a mountain and very sturdy in comparison to my small features. “What is it?” She asked as she carried her scary clipboard with her that was often used to jot down names of the children who would not behave. I stared up at her and for a short moment I felt like abandoning my question at all. In yet this boiling excitement in my heart kept pushing me forwards like an invisible force. “I wanted to know what this person is called?” I asked as I pointed to the book I was holding. She looked down at the book and smiled, “The Author’s name is Linda Gondosch.” She answered as a matter of factly. I shifted in my seat a bit scared to respond because her answer was not the one I was seeking. But that fire was still hot and I had to ask or I was sure to die right then and there. I shook my head back and forth, “No mam. Not the name. What do you call someone who does this?” I pointed to the Author’s name. My teacher seemed perplexed and taken a back by my question. A slight smile edged the creases of her mouth and she looked at me placing her hand on my small shoulder. The weight of her words seemed to press down on my body with the touch of her hand. “Amanda dear, that is an Author. Authors write stories so that we can enjoy and learn from them.” I whispered as I heard the words for the first time as she said them. My mouth moving slowly as I stared at my book I was squeezing in my hands. “Author…I want to be an Author.” I said in my small voice but with such tenacity my teacher looked at me from her dark rimmed glasses. “Amanda you can all you have to do is work hard and read a lot.” After that moment I went to the library and I read as many books as I could. For a short while I abandoned the play ground just to help in the librarians put books away. I wanted to learn all that I could. As I grew older I continued my love for reading and I continued to hold on to that simmering flame of desire to be an Author. Here I am 37 years old, holding the book that started it all and I can honestly tell you that little child in me has not let go of that memory. The truth still rings true today, I do want to be an Author. And after many years of fighting with my own doubts and thoughts, I am working to achieve this dream for us both.
I am excited to take this journey over to my YOUTUBE channel as well by creating a BOOKTUBE with the same elements as well.
There is nothing more exciting than watching your child truly love what they are reading.
To me that is the most magical feeling in the world. Especially if the child is like I was and truly feels a bond with stories more than she ever did with people.
Because when you teach children the joys of reading you are giving them so much more than a story, you are giving them worlds of wander and knowledge. Thank you Mrs. Willoby and Mrs. Wimberly of Wynnton Elementary School for teaching me and for believing in me!
Amanda The Book Witch
Homeschooling Got you Stressed? Me too. But LEarn with me as I share my tips and tricks!
I will provide tips for easing the stress of schedules and activities that seem daunting. I love to create ways to make learning fun and provide resources for those in need. Soon I will provide free DIGITAL PRINTABLES for Homeschool Moms to use to help and provide some fun along the way. Stay tuned! Keep a look out for my newsletter or subscribe to this blog to stay updated.
